And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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