you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
