break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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