He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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