those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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