You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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