That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
