she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
