I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
