I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
