She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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