we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
