He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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