When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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