I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
