we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
