ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
