and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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