Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
