thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
