I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
