She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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