first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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