i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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