Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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