My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
