i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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