this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
