we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You were trust falling into bushes
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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