Fine. I'll sleep in my office
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
