Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
