I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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