she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
