my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
