Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
