Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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