god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
