I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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