You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
