If that was your dad, he is hot
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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