Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
