i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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