the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just had sex bonerless
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
