No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
