ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
