I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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