have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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