Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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