Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
