you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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