I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
