In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
