you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What a dumb baby whore.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize