i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
