My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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