so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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