How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
