Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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