I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
