I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
