I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
