Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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