The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize