how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
