Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
